Ma Chère Marmalade, or Mermalerms, Marms, Mumsiekwims, KiT-Ten,

My beautiful, sweet, perfect kitten-cat…where to even begin, with these 14 years, 9 months, and 26 days of memories that I have of, and with, you?

I suppose it’s best to begin at the beginning, despite the cliché…

Thank you for choosing Steve and I all those years ago*. While you had a home on my family farm after being abandoned elsewhere (and by the way, HUGE loss to whoever abandoned a perfect princess such as yourself)…from early on you knew what you wanted, and you were never shy about asserting yourself…which was one of the innumerable amazing things about you. Because when Steve and I arrived for a short stay on the farm while waiting to close on a house, you had already decided you were a house cat, not a barn cat, and I’m not ashamed to admit that we were easy targets. I mean, how could ANYONE say no to that face?

I remember my mom telling us “If you let that cat inside, she’s going to want to stay inside”. You’d already been trying your best with my parents and Jenni (who saved you in the first place), but mom & dad’s dogs were NOT cat friendly, and Jenni already had five indoor/indoor-outdoor cats. So there we were, your new marks, with one dog (at the time) who LOVED cats…and “only” three cats of our own. Did you know that we couldn’t refuse a kitty in…well, if not need, then certainly ‘want’? Did you sense that our ‘third wheel’ cat Ducky wanted a buddy of his own?

Either way, of course we couldn’t see you constantly trying to sneak inside, or sitting outside the kitchen window with Ducky sitting on the inside windowsill and OBVIOUSLY interested in meeting you, and simply spurn your advances!

And so we invited you inside…and even if we hadn’t been told, in no uncertain terms, that if we did so you’d end up being OUR cat…it was immediately clear that you fit in perfectly with our menagerie…and again, we simply couldn’t say no to your always assertive, entirely sweet, sometimes clarw-y self 😉

Truly, you were The Real Lady, and as effuse in my praise as I want to be, I’m not sure it would or could ever be as much as you deserve. So I will simply say:

Thank you for being one of the most loving and friendly cats alive – for making every person who met you feel as if they were special, as if they were chosen, even if some of that was just because you were a perfect little princess who loved attention from pretty much any and everyone.

Thank you, most of all, for being exactly the cat I needed after we lost your “brother” Stitch. I loved you to the moon and back, exactly as you were, when he was alive…but when he was gone I wasn’t sure what I would do without my “empath kitty” who knew exactly how to console me, often before I knew what I needed – or even that I was about to need consolation at all.

Of course you didn’t ‘replace’ him, or become him – you were, I think, always that kitty too. And so you seamlessly blended your own personality into what had primarily been his role. In a way I wonder if I should apologize for not recognizing that you were an ’empath kitty’ too, back when our boy was still alive…something I probably should have seen, based on how you made yourself memorable to and beloved by so many, from cuddling my friend Laura’s pregnant belly to attaching yourself to one of your ultimate faves, Ren, because I believe you sensed they needed a kitty in their life.

I loved how, despite your idyllic small size, you never ceased to stick up for yourself when necessary…whether Ducky (or later, Appa) was bugging you to play or just simply messing with you and you told him what’s what…or when one of the dogs (who you were generally chill with, because again, you were the best) was a bit too ‘up in your face’ and needed to be, shall we say, taken down a peg.

That said, I do apologize for every foster – cat or dog – that I brought into our home who stressed you out…and I’m as much – if not more – sorry for displacing you so many times.

From one Greenville house to another…to Florida, and then from one house to another while we were there…back to Greenville (but to the same previous house, at least?)…and then all the way to California, where yes, you met new family and friends, but then, sadly, were here too long to see all of the east coast people you loved before you had to leave us.

But there again, I have to thank you. For being such a trooper, even through flying cross country, and for showing the immense amount of love you had to give to Dean and the kiddos (especially Cam), and to our friends out here who probably never would have met you otherwise.

Still…your being here and my frequent lengthy trips back east lead to my final apology – the one that, no matter what I say or how much I try to forgive myself, will haunt me for some time to come. That being: I am so sorry I had such awful timing. Sorry that I didn’t see how you were likely suffering more than you let on, sorry that I was perhaps so afraid of letting go TOO soon that I almost certainly waited too long.

And above all, I am so, so, so very, deeply, heart-wrenchingly sorry that I left you for 12 days and only had hours with you before having to let you go. I know you had the kids here the whole time I was away, and Dean for part of it too, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you waited for me – even if it wasn’t a ‘conscious’ choice to wait, thank you. Thank you for holding on, despite everything, so that I could at the very least have that small catharsis of being with you at the end. That we could cuddle and sleep together for a bit, and even watch some Jane the Virgin, because I know how you always heard the narrator’s voice and were suddenly interested in being directly in front of whatever I was watching it on.

I am doing my best to take solace in the idea that you are healthy again, safe and happy with a never-ending supply of cups that are completely full of just-poured water, and all of the fresh boiled chicken and stinky seafood flavored cat food you can eat, cuddling up to Wendy and Stitch and trying to boss Lilo, Rigby, Ducky, and Stubbs around.

Like those who went before you, you will be forever loved. You will never be forgotten. You are another perfect pet of legend, and like your sisters and brothers who you’ve joined on the other side of the rainbow bridge, a part of my heart will always, always belong to you.

“i can’t wait to see you again
it’s only a matter of time…”

*Marmalade was born sometime around January 2009, and rescued by my youngest sister Jenni sometime in the spring of 2009. My now-ex (but still best friend) Steve and I officially brought her into our home on November 10, 2009. She lived a wonderful life, including living approximately 2 years and 4 months past being given a “level 3 or 4” CKD diagnosis.

If you are reading this and are at all able/inclined to do so, donations in remembrance of Marmalade should be made to Odd Paws Rescue in Georgia.